WOW! OMG!! has it been this long?

Well wow its been over a year since ive done this and so so so much has changed in my SL. Jay my wife has left her collar and for the most part she hasnt had the time to come to SL, she is back in shool again and studying to become a registered nurse and it takes alot of her time so between school and kids she doesnt get the time to be here but i know for a fact she loves you all and misses you, the good news for me is she is my best friend in our real world so i see her very often so its not so hard to lose her in SL.but there are times i miss her dearly here we used to have so much fun sitting and talking. Jay if you read this just know my love for you will never change.

Moving on now i am Coming up on two years with Yar, and i have to say im as happy now as i have ever been with her, i love her dearly, would not want to continue in SL without her, Mistress you never fail to give me what i need without me telling you what that is, you treat me better than i probly deserve and i can only hope i continue to make you happy,  Love you to the ends of the earth and beyond.

to all my friends i love you all, today i was looking at blogs and came acrossed Dio and Jen’s i sat and read some of the posts for awhile and i have to say that Dio and Jen are so loving and so caring, they have always been good to me and  i am so happy to know them and call them family, which i still do and always will.

lately it seems that if yar isnt on then i dont really have anything to do here, now i know this isnt true, but i get a little self conscious and sometimes i want to go see friends and hangout but i dont, the reason i dont is in the back of my mind i worry that for some reason i will not be wanted, well im deciding today and making myself a promise, i will be myself again i will not worry about things that i cannot change and i will open myself up to more experiences and i will re-kindle those old friendships that once were so caring. anyway ive just been babbling and probly not making a bit of sense to anyone (including myself) but i am gonna end this short post now, but promise to do at least one post a month and more if i can get around to it. so bye for now and i love you all XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. if anyone ever sees Yar Telling locked in any way please take a pic and send it to me im making me a new photo album called Mistress bound thankies loves ya

REFLECTIONS

There comes a time in one’s life when you got to sit down and reflect on where you are where you’ve been and where you want to be. I feel that I am at that time in my life right now, and I am really not sure what to make of things. I have a lot of people that care about me at least I think I do, but I continually stay down on myself and this makes it hard for me to do things I would like to do in life, this seems to be the same for me in second life. I have a wonderful wife, she loves me with all her heart as I do her, but for some reason we can never be happy at the same time in SL. I don’t know what happens or why but it always seems that when things are going good for one of us they are not for the other . We have both been here for a while now and have been through a hell of a lot together.. She has always been right there for me and I try to be for her we have a deep loving relationship that began in grade school in real life and has carried over to SL. Here we can be and do all the things we cannot do in real life so at times it’s a good outlet for that she is my wife in SL and my best friend in the real world and I am truly blessed to have her in both. I only wish we could figure out why the SL gods have decided that we can not both have all we want and be happy at the same time. I pray we can figure this one out.  

Yar Telling: My Mistress in SL is one of the most loving and caring people I have ever met and I love her deeply we have been friends for a long time and I took her collar over 8 months ago still cant believe its been that long as time just seems to fly. Her and I have had our share of problems in the past but have worked those out. But I find now as I reflect on my life, that I am not sure of what I should do or how I should act, what I mean to say is I find myself getting tangled up in my own thoughts feelings and wants I get to focused on myself and what I want that I don’t really think about others at times, and those times seem to be happening more and more lately. I don’t know how to stop this I feel as though I am heading into a state of depression and I don’t like that feeling. But seems no matter what I do to stop what feels like a straight down spiral, nothing works. It is like being on a way too long roller coaster, I have been moody I have not been myself and to be honest I miss the person I once was. I miss being carefree I miss loving without thinking about it. I miss having fun all the time. I miss my life and I try and try to get back to being me and the longer I go on the harder it seems to get back to that ..,anyway I have kind of went off track here but I don’t really care, just letting myself ramble I guess ….any way I love you all until next time this is Nicki signing off ……………………………………………:)  

　  

　  

A FEW THINGS

well well, im back hehe, I know I know been a long time since my last post.  anyway the break is over and i guess has been for a while now, Mistress and i are doing well we are learning more and more about each other. But something she did recently was really exciting in a wierd way. she decided she would no longer lock me up but she would tell me how to lock myself and once done i would have to hand over the keys i would have to put the restrictions she decided on myself, then once done give up any way of changing it. now I know it may sound wierd to those who know me as ive always been the type that you gotta take me cuz im not giving you anything but i have found that with Mistress Yar. that well she already has me so no taking is required:). it is really exciting to be made to lock myself up then give her the keys it just is,

Moving on, i am slowly coming to terms with Mistress Yar’s subside i am learning that supporting and even helping her to explore that side of her is really a good thing for me as well. she gets frustrated when she don’t and as you may or may not know a frustrated Mistress isn’t really a bowl of cherries to be around, the get grumpy, moody, and quite frankly lazy when it comes to their subs. but all this is completely understandable and though not easy to understand i am trying.

Mistress if you read this just know i love you and support you in all you do and will do my best to be there for you when you need me, Mistress said in her blog that if anyone see me with my keys out to lock me up for a while and send her pics and she will give a reward.. um for any of you that read this that have read hers that’s nothing more than a joke so don’t take it serious …..:)

anyway love you all and i promise to try to post more  TTFN

A BREAK

well here it is almost 2 years into Nichole’s sl experience and her bdsm life, and i have found something here that i never thought i would.  As ive said in many posts before that i have found my home in sl with Mistress Yar but now i have to add to this thought for the past two years its been a nonstop bdsm ride with various “owners” but only recently have i truly felt as though i belonged. As ive said in the past but just to show what i mean ill give you an example I told Yar that lately i havent really been feeling into the bdsm aspect of my sl. now that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be apart of it what it means is aspects of it at this time didn’t appeal to me such as and pretty much mainly was longterm bondage ive lately only been feeling like a scene player, well anyway, i talked to Yar about this and how ive been feeling and her response to me was this, hun “ive been wondering how long it was going to take you to realise that you need to take a break from this, you’ve been ging at it nonstop for a long time and if you keep trying to force it you wont enjoy it and i get my enjoyment out of you enjoying it”. well needless to say this actually caught me off guard as ive always been told that “im the Domme/dom and it’s what I want that matters so you have to do what I want and it doesn’t matter if you want to or not”. so for her to tell me that just reassured me even more that she loves me and understands me and cares about me not cares about just about what I can do for her. so here i am a “week or so into my “break” and i feel just as loved and just as cared for as i did before . Yar has shown me that I don’t have to be the perfect little bondage slave to be loved and that my happiness matters so for now im on  a break you may see bound from time to time but only for a short time maybe ill get back to liking long-term stuff again soon maybe it will take a while im not sure but i know that to my Mistress it’s not the basis of our relationship she owns me I know it and she knows it and that’s all that matters to us so Mistress if you read this I want you to know that my love and respect for you grow daily and I only want to make you happy and im glad you understand me anyway ive been rambling again so im gonna go ……:)

LOVES YOU ALL

FINALLY HOME

well here it is the first day of april 2010, i feel like i need to express my feeling to myMistress, we met long ago have known each other for a long time, ive always loved you and always will ive been your girl for over 5 months now and i have to say its been the best  5+ months of my entire sl existence, what i mean to say is that when i came to you i was out of place in sl i didnt know what i was to who or if i even belonged here but then you were there for me once again as you alwasy were when i needed you, but this time was different. this time things worked out as i always dreamed they would, i know i was not the best person when you so graciously took me in and i dont dare say i am now but i do know ive grown, ive matured, and ive realised that i am worthy of being loved and cared for by more people than just my wife Jay, i know i am rambling here but hey sue me, this is a short post it all boils down to one thing because of you Mistress i finaly feel truly loved by a family, i finaly feel as though i belong,, i finally feel like I’M FINALLY HOME…….:)

Goddess and the Family

well hello everyone havent posted in a while so thought id write something down today. was just sitting here in Goddess’ office with some of the family and friends and got to thinking about just how wonderful life really is. i have my love Jay sitting next to me looking gorgeous as always. looking across the desk at Goddess it occurs to me that she is one of the greatest people ive ever met, i know alot of people feel the same way so im not really saying anything new but just felt a need to blog about it. as i sit here i begin to think about how wonderful this whole family is. its a big family and everyone cares for everyone and that goes for family friends as well. i just feel so fortunate to have finaly found what feels like my home. i feel loved and i love you all, anyway just felt like i wanted to share a little of my feeling on this family with the rest of the world those that know what im talking about this ones for you those that dont well umm guess im sorry but hey its my blog ill write what i want….smiles till next time  loves you all

WHAT A GOOD SUB IS TO ME

What a good sub is and why I should strive to be one. Good means being respectful being polite being proud not having any prejudice against others . These qualities are only a few of what it takes to be good and all these translate into being a good sub as well. Being respectful shows you are respected though you are owned you are not a piece of meat and do not need to feel like one (though on occasion it’s a major turn on to be used in this manner….hehe). To be a good sub you have to realize that all your actions will reflect on your owner , owners family, your fellow subs, if you act bad your mistress will not be seen as a good Mistress due to your actions. Though I believe respect is earned not given I also believe that an open mind is of the utmost importance if you are to be a “good sub”. therefore it is imperative that you be willing to give those around you the benefit of the doubt especially on matters that you are not too familiar with because part of being a good sub is to be able to take directions well. The ability to obey is another quality of a “good sub” the ability to understand and follow directions show your willingness to please you mistress. You must be respectful of other dominants though you may or may not be required to kneel to or address them as sir or miss you must still offer them your respect until such time that you not respecting them is warranted. If that becomes an issue you and your dominant should be open and honestly discuss your feeling on it and you must listen and respect your dominants feelings on it as well. You must be kind to others. You need to have an understanding of your submission you must communicate with your dominant and you must love your dominant completely and know they will always care for you and you must believe that they know what is best for you.. Now knowing all of this is easy, practicing it is not I honestly don’t think I do that now or am I sure I can accomplish everything I have talked about in this short essay. But My Mistress says she loves me and I believe that with all my heart and she says I am doing well and I am learning and as always in life all you can ever ask is for someone to be as good as they can be and to always strive to do better …….all that being said ….”Mistress I am a brat I play that part well because that is who I am. I know you know this and I know you love me anyway though I step over the line at times please believe me when I say that I want to be the sub you have always wanted, I want to feel that need for you in anyway I can. I love you respect you and will never leave you. I am yours for life. weather I am a “good sub” or not as far as what others think does not effect me. Your opinion of me is all that counts no one else’s……………………………LOVE YOUR GIRL…………….NIC

Tuesday predicament

Well so look at me its 6:30 Tuesday morning and Mistress decided that I needed some time to think I suppose J ….as she left me locked hand and foot wearing a Kas hood with a latex sheath stuffed in my mouth I cant talk very good and I am on three hour timers with all the keys out ……MMMMM….

She leashed me to the landing point at BB’s Kidnap Facility I am standing here watching the people come in and go hoping no one will notice my keys ……ok well maybe I am hoping they will notice them…..hehe…. Anyway Mistress always knows what to do and when to do it this has me very turned on at the moment and I thought I should drop a quick post while thinking about it. As I sit here fantasizing about someone coming and grabbing me taking me to some place locking me down and doing what they please with me……mmmmm……anyway Mistress if you read this I want you to know how much I love you.  This is a short post as I need to get back to my predicament and enjoy it or ummm I mean find away out of it that’s it yeah ……giggles until next time loves ya

Hmmm well……….swore id never blog but things change as we all know so here goes

My time in second life has been overall a wonderful experience that includes all the bad that has happened with all the good….. A bit about me to start with… I came to sl as most did to find an escape, a relief as it were, from my first life.. I started out in sl long ago couple years or more now was a very vanilla existence here I made many friends but still something seemed to be missing  I wont get into who I was and no names will be given but I did have fun then but as I have already said something was just missing….. Now fast forward to nichole… nichole was created to explore something new in sl …BDSM …. For those who don’t already know that. I went to a lot of places met a few people but one true friend stands out to begin with her name is Paula I met her within the first week of being in sl she and I kinda just bonded instantly she also was trying out bdsm for the first time. Neither one of us have “RL Experience” which to me and this is my opinion and it is my blog so Im entitled to it…. Most of the people into bdsm in sl that claim to have a lot of experience in rl with it are well how do I put this ummm lying…. Again my opinion but again my blog

So now to those people that claim they have all this experience and practice it all the time in rl my ? To you is WHY DO YOU DO IT HERE, doesn’t make a lot of sense to me now I am sure there are some that do but my guess is most of them that say they do really more or less have been bound a few times or maybe spanked in rl which as we all know is not BDSM.. Anyway sorry about the rant there…. Now back on topic

ME….HEHE…J J ……I am submissive by nature I think and have only been sub in sl until very recently but ill get into that in a bit… I have had 4 owners in sl 3 mistress’ and one Master. My first Mistress again no names here but lets just say I was very naïve and she in my opinion took advantage of that and instead of loving and building me up to be a great sub I felt more as though she tore me down and used my insecurities to get what she wanted.. My second Mistress was a really awesome person we had much fun together personal reasons arose and we parted ways still care about her a lot and wish her the best you know who you are. Then Came a Master. I devoted nearly 8 months to this man and as you all know that is like an eternity here. He had a big family I knew that going in and in the beginning things were good but after awhile things went bad my feeling is he lost sight of his wants and desires in sl and became cold and heartless he also is one of those im a real life master types and as ive stated my opinion on that already you can suffice that did not help our relationship. Enough about this man all I will say about him is I am glad to have served him and been in his family I made many friends there that though we do not talk anymore due to his wishes I still care for some of them deeply and miss them… now fast forward to present day

Now I am going to take some time to tell you all about my love Jay she has been with me through all of this through everything in my life that has mattered she is not just my sl wife but she is my best friend in rl her and her hubby I have known for over 20 years but enough about rl in sl jay is my rock she is my “go to” person she is always there to love me care for me and help me and I love her dearly and that will never change Jay if you read this please know you are just as much the reason I am who I am as well I am Giggles

Now back the current topic ….that’s right you guessed it ….ME….. Now in my second life I am happy… along time ago I met someone and well she captured me this was before I went with the heartless Master I was with anyway moving forward that was over a year ago that she caught me at stone haven island and well things just didn’t work out then between us ill leave it at that…but I always kept in touch with this person and yes its Yar….giggles….. Yar and I were friends for a long time and now she is My Mistress and I love her and will always try to be the best I can be…….Yar has always helped me more than she ever knew when I needed to talk she was there always though I didn’t always like what she had to say I listened as I look up to her and respect her opinions on life love and everything else…. It was October 21.2009 that I was given the honor to wear her collar… I cherish it more than anything I have ever had and yes it is truly an honor for me to be hers. I only hope I can continue to grow and please her though I know I will have bad days as we all I am confidant that our relationship will only get stronger. Now being allowed to wear Yar‘s Collar has also brought me into perhaps the biggest family in sl and of course the most loving one. To all of you I love you all and cant imagine life without you and Goddess you are the most intelligent loving understanding caring witty person I think ive ever met and I truly am in awe of you. And thank you for allowing me to be in your family..JNow I know this has been a jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings but hey if you know me then you know that’s just me being me….lol…J any way this is my first ever blog and any comments or suggestions will be greatly appreciated and I hope to post regularly… thanks for reading J J J J J J J